Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Lesson 5: Wonderful things to say at an interview
Today I had the privilege to talk to Mike. Mike is a 30 year old Caucasian, married for six years to another 30 year old Caucasian; has a perpetually salivating Labrador, going by the name of Lucy that he rescued from a lazy owner who made Lucy miserable but was observant enough to realise that Lucy really could do with a walk now and then and would be perhaps better off with Mike, who likes walking dogs; and is a self confessed maker and shaker with 9 years downtime in the property investment game - 3 years London and 6 years in Australia. As I have come this far, I may as well keep going. Mike is stuck. That's right. I had the privilege to talk to Mike because Mike was stuck in peak hour traffic driving home from work, and thought he'd give me a call.
First thing Mike asked me was if I could make it to dinner on Tuesday night for a going away party for a mutual friend who is heading to the UK to master his business administration and who as fame has it, memorised phone books as a 2 year old, hence was only able to shake off autistic savant status within the fraternity when he learnt how to get off first base with girls. Unfortunately I had to pass on dinner and stressed that I would make it around later for drinks, Hello Kitty's favourite course. So where were we? Mike was stuck, and had called, had asked me to dinner, then we went through the workings of the day, and just in case you thought that this arrangement seems a little strange, that's exactly how I felt about it as well. I mean, I felt strange that Mike was cheating on his wife with me (us). We can all see it happening now. Mike will get home, wife says: "Hi darling, how was your day?" Mike responds, "That's fine honey, I've already covered that with Hello Kitty, can we talk about something else?" Wife says, "Who the fuck is Hello Kitty?" Mike says, "My special friend I call when I am stuck in traffic" and then all hell breaks loose.
Ok, so then Mike asks me about the 4th interview with company L, blablahblah, we're all fucking over it, me, you, the Nazis, the ancient Mesopotaniams, the Aztecs were so over it they poisoned themselves, the North Koreans, the native tribes peoples of Outer Van Diemans land who dressed as frogs are over it, the the blog readers are over it, the head hunter most definitely over it... and that's when I started to talk about suits.
Me to interviewer at Company L: "I'd really like to lock in a date, will need time to duck across and get some suits put together."
Interviewer: "So you'll get them in Korea will you?" sounding interested for the first time today, "How much will that cost you?"
Me: "Well, around 400 dollars in Korea, however have heard good things about a tailor in Thailand as a matter of fact, and am thinking of heading over there."
Wait wait fucking wait. Now before any of you start pulling out your copy of Job Seekers Handbook, Chapter 5 and start demonizing me for getting personal with the interviewer, I ask Mike, who if you remember back a few paragraphs has 9 years experience in the biz, if it was OK to get personal in this way.
Mike says: "Only if you told him you'd bring him back a suit if he signs the deal right this fucking moment, so we can all have a break from this shit."
Just then Mike gets home and looks forward to going inside and having that conversation with his wife. Hello Kitty on the other hand is packing his bags to fly back up to Sydney for interview number 5 with Company L. Next time I'm going to buy him the fucking suit.
First thing Mike asked me was if I could make it to dinner on Tuesday night for a going away party for a mutual friend who is heading to the UK to master his business administration and who as fame has it, memorised phone books as a 2 year old, hence was only able to shake off autistic savant status within the fraternity when he learnt how to get off first base with girls. Unfortunately I had to pass on dinner and stressed that I would make it around later for drinks, Hello Kitty's favourite course. So where were we? Mike was stuck, and had called, had asked me to dinner, then we went through the workings of the day, and just in case you thought that this arrangement seems a little strange, that's exactly how I felt about it as well. I mean, I felt strange that Mike was cheating on his wife with me (us). We can all see it happening now. Mike will get home, wife says: "Hi darling, how was your day?" Mike responds, "That's fine honey, I've already covered that with Hello Kitty, can we talk about something else?" Wife says, "Who the fuck is Hello Kitty?" Mike says, "My special friend I call when I am stuck in traffic" and then all hell breaks loose.
Ok, so then Mike asks me about the 4th interview with company L, blablahblah, we're all fucking over it, me, you, the Nazis, the ancient Mesopotaniams, the Aztecs were so over it they poisoned themselves, the North Koreans, the native tribes peoples of Outer Van Diemans land who dressed as frogs are over it, the the blog readers are over it, the head hunter most definitely over it... and that's when I started to talk about suits.
Me to interviewer at Company L: "I'd really like to lock in a date, will need time to duck across and get some suits put together."
Interviewer: "So you'll get them in Korea will you?" sounding interested for the first time today, "How much will that cost you?"
Me: "Well, around 400 dollars in Korea, however have heard good things about a tailor in Thailand as a matter of fact, and am thinking of heading over there."
Wait wait fucking wait. Now before any of you start pulling out your copy of Job Seekers Handbook, Chapter 5 and start demonizing me for getting personal with the interviewer, I ask Mike, who if you remember back a few paragraphs has 9 years experience in the biz, if it was OK to get personal in this way.
Mike says: "Only if you told him you'd bring him back a suit if he signs the deal right this fucking moment, so we can all have a break from this shit."
Just then Mike gets home and looks forward to going inside and having that conversation with his wife. Hello Kitty on the other hand is packing his bags to fly back up to Sydney for interview number 5 with Company L. Next time I'm going to buy him the fucking suit.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Lesson 3: Rule 1 of job negotiations:
Job 14: Rule 1 of job negotiations:
Just as a forenote:
Some of you may be wondering what an omerta is.
Just to be on the safe side-> an omerta is a silence between parties to cover up a truth that is not in the interests of one or all of the parties if it were to come to the surface. In most instances, an omerta acts like a whirlpool, dragging along all of the participants in such a way that it may be potentially hazardous for one's health to try and swim the other way. By example, we could quote a few movies - Fight Club with its omerta to not mention Fight Club. The Godfather, with the omerta hanging over the family to not mention transgressions. Then the omerta I ran into as an amateur cyclist in Belgium, 'do not mention what is in the fridge.' The omerta I experienced in my business dealings in Asia, 'what happens after dark happens after dark.' These are topics I will delve into at a later time if given the chance. However, lets not digress too much from topic.
Having quoted verbatim from the New York Times Bestseller in the last blog entry, it got me thinking. If we, singular unit we, the people, the people who have developed x-ray technology, nuclear fission, the wheel, Tim Tams, the karma sutra, intergalactic space travel, the internet, got the drift, can still go on, the high-rise building, the pedometer, drum and bass, whiskey, whisky, easily comprehensible taxation guidelines, democracy, movies in 3D, organic supermarkets.. wow. if we the people can invent all of these things we sure as hell can find some empirical evidence that lays out why it is that whoever mentions a salary figure first is bound to lose.
Then the counter lever dawned on me.. it was a true Da Vinci code breaking moment, a them against us, a real insight into the powers that be, those who control the world. It must have been... because it hit me then that the evidence is surely there, however there is a group of certain unidentified people whose full-time job it is to keep the evidence from view, hidden from jobseekers, hidden from those who want to know more about why the fuck it is they are playing a game of - you go first on salary figure.
Who are these people?
I am assuming that the mystery is ancient in tradition, passed on along hereditary lines, the ghost of Karl Marx a shimmer, a dark cloud that once threatened to unhinge that overall secret of salary negotiation.
Why do they keep the evidence hidden?
If we knew as a sure certainty, a well acknowledged and documented fact that, whomever mentioned a salary figure first, would lose that negotiation, would it not be an untenable position for the HR girl? Whether it be the young suavesque velvety thing who looks a bit like the daughter of the lawyer who you used to see on TV representing the corporate ghouls who brought down Enron, with her perfect mannerisms and smile that says, "I can't do anything wrong, I'm on fast track to blowtown with the CEO, didn't you know?", with her discreet, unassuming, "So how much do you want?" or the mid-30's ultimate corporate sex kitten HR pro, glassy-eyed, a power craving magnet with her ex-ballroom dancing champion gait, her 'glass-ceiling? I know no such thing' powersuit, looking down at you the whole time, and seizing the moment to quietly slip under your guard with her well-nuanced, leach-like, "What was the figure you were thinking of?" Or if it was the mate from next door manager, who wanted to talk football and beer, and had you marked as one of the boys ready to pounce on any young thing with his, "What are we talking money wise?"
To the young secretary, the powersuit and the matey matey, all variations on a theme, of the same omerta prolonging clan: What if I was to pull out Job Seeker Journal Autumn edition, flip to page 14, shove it in their face and say to him/her,"You surly mofo, I know you have a copy of this on your desk, so it is official, you are trying to fuck me on salary just when you thought I didn't know any better. Well do I have news for you? You can't burn bridges with people on your way up if you actually need them - and you need me to meet your KPI of employing at least 1 sales rep every quarter. Now you know that I know that last to talk figure wins - You First."
So there you have it Steven Spielberg for your next trillion dollar brain fade, the omerta has existed for a long time... eat your heart out. But then what happens if you actually take the job? That lovely thing, with her million dollar lip gloss smile, who tried to stitch you up on salary, all the while knowing she was using a sure tried strategy to squeeze every last cent. No way that I'll be buying her a coffee.
Just as a forenote:
Some of you may be wondering what an omerta is.
Just to be on the safe side-> an omerta is a silence between parties to cover up a truth that is not in the interests of one or all of the parties if it were to come to the surface. In most instances, an omerta acts like a whirlpool, dragging along all of the participants in such a way that it may be potentially hazardous for one's health to try and swim the other way. By example, we could quote a few movies - Fight Club with its omerta to not mention Fight Club. The Godfather, with the omerta hanging over the family to not mention transgressions. Then the omerta I ran into as an amateur cyclist in Belgium, 'do not mention what is in the fridge.' The omerta I experienced in my business dealings in Asia, 'what happens after dark happens after dark.' These are topics I will delve into at a later time if given the chance. However, lets not digress too much from topic.
Having quoted verbatim from the New York Times Bestseller in the last blog entry, it got me thinking. If we, singular unit we, the people, the people who have developed x-ray technology, nuclear fission, the wheel, Tim Tams, the karma sutra, intergalactic space travel, the internet, got the drift, can still go on, the high-rise building, the pedometer, drum and bass, whiskey, whisky, easily comprehensible taxation guidelines, democracy, movies in 3D, organic supermarkets.. wow. if we the people can invent all of these things we sure as hell can find some empirical evidence that lays out why it is that whoever mentions a salary figure first is bound to lose.
Then the counter lever dawned on me.. it was a true Da Vinci code breaking moment, a them against us, a real insight into the powers that be, those who control the world. It must have been... because it hit me then that the evidence is surely there, however there is a group of certain unidentified people whose full-time job it is to keep the evidence from view, hidden from jobseekers, hidden from those who want to know more about why the fuck it is they are playing a game of - you go first on salary figure.
Who are these people?
I am assuming that the mystery is ancient in tradition, passed on along hereditary lines, the ghost of Karl Marx a shimmer, a dark cloud that once threatened to unhinge that overall secret of salary negotiation.
Why do they keep the evidence hidden?
If we knew as a sure certainty, a well acknowledged and documented fact that, whomever mentioned a salary figure first, would lose that negotiation, would it not be an untenable position for the HR girl? Whether it be the young suavesque velvety thing who looks a bit like the daughter of the lawyer who you used to see on TV representing the corporate ghouls who brought down Enron, with her perfect mannerisms and smile that says, "I can't do anything wrong, I'm on fast track to blowtown with the CEO, didn't you know?", with her discreet, unassuming, "So how much do you want?" or the mid-30's ultimate corporate sex kitten HR pro, glassy-eyed, a power craving magnet with her ex-ballroom dancing champion gait, her 'glass-ceiling? I know no such thing' powersuit, looking down at you the whole time, and seizing the moment to quietly slip under your guard with her well-nuanced, leach-like, "What was the figure you were thinking of?" Or if it was the mate from next door manager, who wanted to talk football and beer, and had you marked as one of the boys ready to pounce on any young thing with his, "What are we talking money wise?"
To the young secretary, the powersuit and the matey matey, all variations on a theme, of the same omerta prolonging clan: What if I was to pull out Job Seeker Journal Autumn edition, flip to page 14, shove it in their face and say to him/her,"You surly mofo, I know you have a copy of this on your desk, so it is official, you are trying to fuck me on salary just when you thought I didn't know any better. Well do I have news for you? You can't burn bridges with people on your way up if you actually need them - and you need me to meet your KPI of employing at least 1 sales rep every quarter. Now you know that I know that last to talk figure wins - You First."
So there you have it Steven Spielberg for your next trillion dollar brain fade, the omerta has existed for a long time... eat your heart out. But then what happens if you actually take the job? That lovely thing, with her million dollar lip gloss smile, who tried to stitch you up on salary, all the while knowing she was using a sure tried strategy to squeeze every last cent. No way that I'll be buying her a coffee.
Lesson 2: Getting the Deal Done - Is there such a thing as Negotiation Etiquette?
Job 13: Job Getting the Deal Done: Is there such a thing as Negotiation Etiquette?
As my sister made a flying visit last month, she left the New York Times bestseller, 'What Color is your Parachute' on my bed, and when I went to inspect it, it opened on page 118. The print in italics that bounced off the page read:
'The purpose of salary negotiation is to uncover the most that an employer is willing to pay to get you."
I was instantly drawn to the print, but I did not start reading with full interest until I spotted this:
"During the salary Discussion, try never to be the first one to mention a salary figure."
It all seemed so simple. I was for some reason thankful that my sister had dropped this book on my bed. And then I had that self-loathing, arrogant moment that I tend to rejoice in as I get older: Here am I, a guy who has completed the Cambridge negotiations course, a guy who has dissected BATNA from the oil barons in Abu Dhabi to the warmongering North Koreans in the East, here am I learning rules of negotiation from this book. Yes. I had accepted the strategies of this book, and without rhyme or reason I have employed them without any active questioning.
This New York times seller planted a further seed of vindication for this feeling of angst: pg 121 "You can speculate from now until the cows come home as to why this is; all we know is that it is. -in negotiation, whoever mentions a salary figure first, generally loses." Empirically, if anybody can get some data on this, I'd be very happy to see the results. My only seminal addition to this school of thought is in the secondary - every time I have met for interview or had to fill out an application form - there is a blunt request for a salary figure. It seems that there is a broad consensus that his New York Times observation is indeed being accepted as truth.
I am just off the phone from my headhunter who has decided that they have worked out the best way to negotiate for me on salary with a particular job I am considering at this present moment.
There is a classic agency problem at work here. As the agent is paid a percentage of the total monetary package that I receive, they are inclined to bargain as hard as they can for every cent they can scrounge out of the Company on my behalf.
This simple agency problem aside, I have been led to understand that there are several clear rules that one should bear in mind when entering the negotiation phase of any job offer. In this blog I will attempt to lay out what the experts say - me personally, I can understand why you would want to get paid as much as you can get, as a matter of a few thousand dollars extra may help you wipe off your mortgage or pay for that end of year holiday, and at the same time is less than pocket change on a business trip in the scheme of things.
In this article, the author lays out some valid points that I have not covered so far. The first issue is that negotiation should ONLY start when there is a clear offer on the table. Secondly, there should be further consideration of strategies to be the last to propose a price, and to also understand the market and how far the Company will be prepared to go to meet your request - ie, how reasonable is reasonable at market.
As my sister made a flying visit last month, she left the New York Times bestseller, 'What Color is your Parachute' on my bed, and when I went to inspect it, it opened on page 118. The print in italics that bounced off the page read:
'The purpose of salary negotiation is to uncover the most that an employer is willing to pay to get you."
I was instantly drawn to the print, but I did not start reading with full interest until I spotted this:
"During the salary Discussion, try never to be the first one to mention a salary figure."
It all seemed so simple. I was for some reason thankful that my sister had dropped this book on my bed. And then I had that self-loathing, arrogant moment that I tend to rejoice in as I get older: Here am I, a guy who has completed the Cambridge negotiations course, a guy who has dissected BATNA from the oil barons in Abu Dhabi to the warmongering North Koreans in the East, here am I learning rules of negotiation from this book. Yes. I had accepted the strategies of this book, and without rhyme or reason I have employed them without any active questioning.
This New York times seller planted a further seed of vindication for this feeling of angst: pg 121 "You can speculate from now until the cows come home as to why this is; all we know is that it is. -in negotiation, whoever mentions a salary figure first, generally loses." Empirically, if anybody can get some data on this, I'd be very happy to see the results. My only seminal addition to this school of thought is in the secondary - every time I have met for interview or had to fill out an application form - there is a blunt request for a salary figure. It seems that there is a broad consensus that his New York Times observation is indeed being accepted as truth.
I am just off the phone from my headhunter who has decided that they have worked out the best way to negotiate for me on salary with a particular job I am considering at this present moment.
There is a classic agency problem at work here. As the agent is paid a percentage of the total monetary package that I receive, they are inclined to bargain as hard as they can for every cent they can scrounge out of the Company on my behalf.
This simple agency problem aside, I have been led to understand that there are several clear rules that one should bear in mind when entering the negotiation phase of any job offer. In this blog I will attempt to lay out what the experts say - me personally, I can understand why you would want to get paid as much as you can get, as a matter of a few thousand dollars extra may help you wipe off your mortgage or pay for that end of year holiday, and at the same time is less than pocket change on a business trip in the scheme of things.
In this article, the author lays out some valid points that I have not covered so far. The first issue is that negotiation should ONLY start when there is a clear offer on the table. Secondly, there should be further consideration of strategies to be the last to propose a price, and to also understand the market and how far the Company will be prepared to go to meet your request - ie, how reasonable is reasonable at market.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Last Blog :Blog Explanation
Unfortunately my friends, Romans, countrymen, this blog is dusted.
Hello Kitty would like you to understand that he should not be regarded as a chronic job interview failure - it is true that Hello Kitty's list of successful interview experiences is as long as the list of failures as documented in this blog. What Hello Kitty is bringing to you is a new generation of experts, much like the Michelin Food Guide Evaluator, and the aficionados of fine automotive machinery - Jeremy Clarkson and Co on Top Gear, what Hello Kitty introduces to this world is exactly that - the musings of the first generation of true job interview connoisseurs.
Hello Kitty's documentation of these interview experiences was essentially what one may describe as a Mezze - a term as first introduced to us by the golfer, aviator and wonderful orator, Oliver Green, who describes the Arabic term 'Mezze' as a series of 'Little Bites' from which he recreates sound bites of his travails across continent and enemy lines in the second World War. Hence, the apt title to end this blog, the surly, 'Mezze of Job Interviews in B flat major'.
The B flat major reference, if perhaps a little opaque for this generation which perhaps does not want to be drawn down by the formalities behind dissection of say Chopin or Mozart's wonderful B flat symphonies, is the finishing touch to this blog, which without it, would run the risk of being stuck between worlds; the worlds between heart and mind. As a once violinist who had a penchant for empty stairwells, B flat major was the only key that would allow free float into emotional discourse with oneself - and the millions of reverberations that were to follow, were just as good a justification for this divergence in title. Now having satiated my blog entry experience, which self indulgingly errs on the side of verbosity, like a grand building that lies no longer, I let my blog fly out to yonder, flying in B flat major....
Instructions:
1. Add to browser
->http://www.inbflat.net/
As a final clarification, this blog in no way, shape or form represents the state of mind of Hello Kitty. However, Hello Kitty has decided that the predilection of the human mind to generally induct a perception of writer is a negative externality that counterbalances to the author the actual objective of the blog - to take one on an armchair ride through the active career brainstorming that took place during these months April to July, 2010.
The rest of the journey is yours, and Hello Kitty walks into the winter sunshine, happier than ever, and embracing the new dawn that lies ahead.
Thanks for reading.
Hello Kitty
Hello Kitty would like you to understand that he should not be regarded as a chronic job interview failure - it is true that Hello Kitty's list of successful interview experiences is as long as the list of failures as documented in this blog. What Hello Kitty is bringing to you is a new generation of experts, much like the Michelin Food Guide Evaluator, and the aficionados of fine automotive machinery - Jeremy Clarkson and Co on Top Gear, what Hello Kitty introduces to this world is exactly that - the musings of the first generation of true job interview connoisseurs.
Hello Kitty's documentation of these interview experiences was essentially what one may describe as a Mezze - a term as first introduced to us by the golfer, aviator and wonderful orator, Oliver Green, who describes the Arabic term 'Mezze' as a series of 'Little Bites' from which he recreates sound bites of his travails across continent and enemy lines in the second World War. Hence, the apt title to end this blog, the surly, 'Mezze of Job Interviews in B flat major'.
The B flat major reference, if perhaps a little opaque for this generation which perhaps does not want to be drawn down by the formalities behind dissection of say Chopin or Mozart's wonderful B flat symphonies, is the finishing touch to this blog, which without it, would run the risk of being stuck between worlds; the worlds between heart and mind. As a once violinist who had a penchant for empty stairwells, B flat major was the only key that would allow free float into emotional discourse with oneself - and the millions of reverberations that were to follow, were just as good a justification for this divergence in title. Now having satiated my blog entry experience, which self indulgingly errs on the side of verbosity, like a grand building that lies no longer, I let my blog fly out to yonder, flying in B flat major....
Instructions:
1. Add to browser
->http://www.inbflat.net/
As a final clarification, this blog in no way, shape or form represents the state of mind of Hello Kitty. However, Hello Kitty has decided that the predilection of the human mind to generally induct a perception of writer is a negative externality that counterbalances to the author the actual objective of the blog - to take one on an armchair ride through the active career brainstorming that took place during these months April to July, 2010.
The rest of the journey is yours, and Hello Kitty walks into the winter sunshine, happier than ever, and embracing the new dawn that lies ahead.
Thanks for reading.
Hello Kitty
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