Job 14: Rule 1 of job negotiations:
Just as a forenote:
Some of you may be wondering what an omerta is.
Just to be on the safe side-> an omerta is a silence between parties to cover up a truth that is not in the interests of one or all of the parties if it were to come to the surface. In most instances, an omerta acts like a whirlpool, dragging along all of the participants in such a way that it may be potentially hazardous for one's health to try and swim the other way. By example, we could quote a few movies - Fight Club with its omerta to not mention Fight Club. The Godfather, with the omerta hanging over the family to not mention transgressions. Then the omerta I ran into as an amateur cyclist in Belgium, 'do not mention what is in the fridge.' The omerta I experienced in my business dealings in Asia, 'what happens after dark happens after dark.' These are topics I will delve into at a later time if given the chance. However, lets not digress too much from topic.
Having quoted verbatim from the New York Times Bestseller in the last blog entry, it got me thinking. If we, singular unit we, the people, the people who have developed x-ray technology, nuclear fission, the wheel, Tim Tams, the karma sutra, intergalactic space travel, the internet, got the drift, can still go on, the high-rise building, the pedometer, drum and bass, whiskey, whisky, easily comprehensible taxation guidelines, democracy, movies in 3D, organic supermarkets.. wow. if we the people can invent all of these things we sure as hell can find some empirical evidence that lays out why it is that whoever mentions a salary figure first is bound to lose.
Then the counter lever dawned on me.. it was a true Da Vinci code breaking moment, a them against us, a real insight into the powers that be, those who control the world. It must have been... because it hit me then that the evidence is surely there, however there is a group of certain unidentified people whose full-time job it is to keep the evidence from view, hidden from jobseekers, hidden from those who want to know more about why the fuck it is they are playing a game of - you go first on salary figure.
Who are these people?
I am assuming that the mystery is ancient in tradition, passed on along hereditary lines, the ghost of Karl Marx a shimmer, a dark cloud that once threatened to unhinge that overall secret of salary negotiation.
Why do they keep the evidence hidden?
If we knew as a sure certainty, a well acknowledged and documented fact that, whomever mentioned a salary figure first, would lose that negotiation, would it not be an untenable position for the HR girl? Whether it be the young suavesque velvety thing who looks a bit like the daughter of the lawyer who you used to see on TV representing the corporate ghouls who brought down Enron, with her perfect mannerisms and smile that says, "I can't do anything wrong, I'm on fast track to blowtown with the CEO, didn't you know?", with her discreet, unassuming, "So how much do you want?" or the mid-30's ultimate corporate sex kitten HR pro, glassy-eyed, a power craving magnet with her ex-ballroom dancing champion gait, her 'glass-ceiling? I know no such thing' powersuit, looking down at you the whole time, and seizing the moment to quietly slip under your guard with her well-nuanced, leach-like, "What was the figure you were thinking of?" Or if it was the mate from next door manager, who wanted to talk football and beer, and had you marked as one of the boys ready to pounce on any young thing with his, "What are we talking money wise?"
To the young secretary, the powersuit and the matey matey, all variations on a theme, of the same omerta prolonging clan: What if I was to pull out Job Seeker Journal Autumn edition, flip to page 14, shove it in their face and say to him/her,"You surly mofo, I know you have a copy of this on your desk, so it is official, you are trying to fuck me on salary just when you thought I didn't know any better. Well do I have news for you? You can't burn bridges with people on your way up if you actually need them - and you need me to meet your KPI of employing at least 1 sales rep every quarter. Now you know that I know that last to talk figure wins - You First."
So there you have it Steven Spielberg for your next trillion dollar brain fade, the omerta has existed for a long time... eat your heart out. But then what happens if you actually take the job? That lovely thing, with her million dollar lip gloss smile, who tried to stitch you up on salary, all the while knowing she was using a sure tried strategy to squeeze every last cent. No way that I'll be buying her a coffee.
No comments:
Post a Comment